


en garde, prêts, allez!

by lovemarket



Series: get your head in the game! [3]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Sports, Fencing, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Team Dynamics, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:01:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23143600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovemarket/pseuds/lovemarket
Summary: Fencing is a sport of champions. Sometimes you win. And sometimes, you’re just a stepping stone on someone else’s rise to success.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin
Series: get your head in the game! [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1336753
Comments: 5
Kudos: 52
Collections: 1





	en garde, prêts, allez!

**Author's Note:**

> for the sake of the story, renjun is left-handed :)
> 
> [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2Tgua1PKdPumuFZylaykP9?si=8QKVhHgbS_WGlggBtM4vrw)

Fencing isn’t like most sports, where strength or endurance are large components. Fencing relies on other skills, most importantly balance, agility, and precision. Each of the three weapons in fencing has a different style based on its rules and its history. There’s _saber_ : the only weapon that allows hits with the edge of the blade, _foil_ : with its lighter, more flexible blade and precise rules governing right of way and _épée_ : sometimes called the Sword of Duellists because its rules most closely resemble real combat (and also the best by default, because it’s Jaemin’s favorite and specialty blade).

When competing in individual foil, the target area is the torso only (hits outside the torso don’t score a point). Contrastly, in individual saber, the target area is the torso, arms and head (hits on the legs or hands don’t score a point). But in _épée_ , the opponent's whole body is a target. A hit scores if it lands on the torso, head, knee, hand or even their toe. Épée is one of the most challenging styles of fencing because of this rule. Bouts are quick and intense and can be over within a few minutes. 

Fencing is a sport of champions. And Jaemin _hates_ losing.

Notre Dame Academy for Boys has never won a state championship. The all-boys high school fencing team made it to the finals once, in 1977. That year, Liu Zhangwei was a student. Zhangwei went on to win an Olympic gold medal, then retired after winning another four years later. His son, Liu Yangyang, is ranked number one in the country. He’s clearly working to uphold his father’s legacy but Jaemin won’t let him get it so easily.

For the last ten years, State Finals have been dominated by Sheridan Boys Academy, the school Yangyang attends. Jaemin went to France for a year instead of completing tenth grade in the United States and ended up competing in the Junior European Championships. It was there he met his match, his rival, Liu Yangyang. Last year, where Jaemin had finally been stripped of his title of number one fencer in the Under 18s league, the honor being passed onto Yangyang. 

Jaemin remembers the match clear as day. At the end, Yangyang shook his hand, gave him a charming smile and said, _“You have a good parry-six.”_ Jaemin scowls just thinking about it. Who says that? Some stuck-up fencer who thinks he’s got it all, that’s who.

With Liu Yangyang as the Sheridan Boys Academy captain, they host some of the best fencers in the country. Past coaches have told their athletes that they can’t beat them but Jaemin knows he can and he _will_. The team just has to make it to the State Finals first.

The season goes the same as last year, but with Jaemin on the team, they get ranked in the top five for the second time in ten years. Their win-loss is 37-3, a new record thanks to him and another new fencer. Jaemin doesn’t know how he’s done it, how this _third-rate_ fencer has managed to help them get this far, especially since he's a reserve. He’s Notre Dame Academy's secret weapon: Huang Renjun, a scholarship receiver that Joohyun had recruited at a Regionals meet in the summer. 

Jaemin watched all his matches throughout the season. Anyone could tell that Renjun is not the best. According to information from Jeno, Renjun’s family has always been tight on money and with him in and out of the detention center back home, he doesn’t have the best foundation of fencing, despite starting young. 

It’s clear in every bout that Renjun has learned a lot of bad habits that have been hard to curb, so there was definitely some kind of potential in him that only Joohyun saw. Really, the only thing Jaemin is sure that Renjun has going for himself is the fact that he’s left-handed. He has an advantage that throws off opponents. But he’s going to need more than just his left-handedness if he wants to beat anyone at Sheridan at the State Finals.

“And you’re going to help him do that.” Joohyun claps Jaemin on the back after telling him to stay after a Team Talk. He follows her into her office like a kicked puppy. “ _What_? Coach, I can’t possibly help him!” He protests, plopping himself in a seat. She ignores him. “He needs to be practicing with Donghyuck! O-or Jeno. Not me.” 

Joohyun snorts. “We’ve got a month until the State Finals. Our team never had the talent it has this year,” She begins, tidying her desk. “No one can read an opponent like Donghyuck. Jeno’s athleticism is amazing, Renjun’s left-handedness and speed will confound almost any fencer if he continues to work on his elementary mistakes. And you, Jaemin…” She pauses, finally looking up at him.

“At your best, I believe you can beat Yangyang. I believe in all of you, it’s why this year’s team was simultaneously the hardest and easiest to make. There were strong contenders, but the four of you, together, are _outstanding_. As a team, I believe you can win State Finals but you need to learn how to work as a unit before you can move onto individual progress.”

Jaemin sinks into the comfortable chair, into his school blazer. “Now go! I know you’ve got a chemistry lab right now and the C _+_ on your progress report is going to affect your spot on the team if you keep moping in here.” 

Jaemin opens his mouth to protest again but Joohyun effectively shuts him up.

“My decision is final. I don’t care how you make Renjun train with you, I just want it to get done.” Joohyun kicks him out of her office and Jaemin groans, leaving reluctantly.

He’s got a late pass that he hands to his teacher as he enters the lab, retreating to his table after putting on an apron and goggles. Jaemin is lucky he shares this class with Yukhei. He was on the fencing team last year, before Jaemin had come back, and they got paired as warm-up partners throughout tryouts, bonding in that one weekend more than Jaemin had intended (he’s glad, though he’d never admit it). Unfortunately, this time around the senior lost too many matches in the tryout tournament and got eliminated from the list of possible contenders after the second day. 

“How’d the TT go?” Yukhei asks as Jaemin settles into his chair. He slides the instruction paper across the table to him. Jaemin hums in response, reading over the procedure. “Fine. Gotta train with the reserve,” He mumbles, pulling his goggles down over his eyes.

Yukhei grabs a test tube from the rack. “It can’t be too bad. Renjun’s good,” He comments, adding a few drops of iodine to the tube’s contents. Jaemin puts Parafilm over the tube and swirls it for good measure. “Yeah, but those habits he has? His technique and form? I don’t know if that’s something I can fix in a _month_ , Yukhei. He’s going to need more time.” 

They switch test tubes and continue the experiment as the instructions say in silence for a moment. “I think you’re underestimating yourself.” Yukhei starts. 

Jaemin huffs, writing down results in his lab manual. “Yukhei-”

“Seriously, Nana. You’re the _second best_ fencer in the country. If there’s anyone who can help Renjun besides Coach, it’s you.”

> **_WEEK ONE - 30 DAYS BEFORE STATE FINALS._ **

Jaemin tells Renjun to meet him at the gym the next morning at four. He knows Renjun isn’t used to this, that the only time he really works out is at practice with the team and the training he’s been doing with Joohyun on Saturday mornings. However, Coach _did_ say that she doesn’t care how Jaemin practices with Renjun as long as he gets it done. So, here they are.

“Why did you ask to meet at four in the morning? And why are we,” Renjun begins to ask, interrupting himself with a yawn, “at the gym?”

Jaemin ignores him for a moment in favor of bidding a good morning to the cleaning staff. She gives him a kind smile and a greeting in return before leaving. He doesn’t miss the implication that Joohyun hasn’t told Renjun about this little arrangement. Well.

“You can’t just practice your sport and expect to get good at it,” Jaemin begins, also ignoring that fact. He pulls his sweatshirt over his head and throws it off to the side, in front of the mirror before straightening out his t-shirt. He knows Renjun wouldn’t want to do this if he knew Jaemin was forced into helping him.

“You need to do other things like full body training. Besides, I just wanted a gym partner,” Jaemin lies with a smile and guides Renjun to the mats. “We’ll warm up and stretch for fifteen minutes, then strength and core for thirty.”

Renjun groans but follows anyway, with no protests. “Strength and core? Have you seen my noodle arms?” Jaemin gives Renjun a onceover and laughs. “Yeah, that’s why I chose you as my gym partner. Oh, by the way, we’ll be doing this every morning.”

Renjun’s jaw drops. “Every morning? At four? No way!”

“Do you want to get better at fencing?” Jaemin asks, switching sides on the stretch. 

Renjun follows with a frown. “Even on the weekends?”

Jaemin smiles. “Even on the weekends.” 

He changes the stretch and Renjun breathes out from his nose heavily, like a sigh.

The first hour passes by with light chatter but mostly silence. Jaemin helps Renjun with the machines and how to work them. “Look away,” Renjun demands as Jaemin stands by, grabbing some water. He hums questioningly, his mouth full.

Renjun’s hand is on the weights, moving them from the forty-five pounds that Jaemin was just lifting to ten. “It’s embarrassing,” he admits, a flush coming over his face. Jaemin rolls his eyes. “I’m not here to judge you, Renjun. Everyone has to start somewhere. I didn’t start bench pressing hundreds of pounds when my trainer made me start going to the gym.”

Renjun frowns. “At this rate, I feel like I’ll never even get to twenty pound weights.” Jaemin sits at the seated row machine next to the cable row machine. “I felt that way at first too, but if you maintain a routine, it’ll get better.”

Renjun scoffs. “Easy for you to say. All of this has been disposed of to you from a young age. I’ve never had access to things like this until recently.” The last part is said at a lower volume but over their heavy breathing and the sound of the machines, Jaemin still caught it. He doesn’t mean to sound so privileged when he knows he and Renjun had been leading two very different lives, even at this very moment.

Renjun is only here because of his scholarship. Without a spot on the team, he’d have been sent right back home to go to whatever not too expensive school was close by. 

But Jaemin? With his family’s background, he could’ve gone to Sheridan if he really wanted to. Could have made the team and fenced alongside _the_ Liu Yangyang. But instead he’d come to this school out in Connecticut that’s been on a losing streak for the last decade. Some may say Jaemin was doing an act of kindness by attending Notre Dame but that wasn’t it.

After warm-ups, strength and core, Jaemin and Renjun move onto fence-specific drills. Jaemin allotted an hour and thirty minutes for this part. He usually only does an hour but he added an extra thirty minutes so he makes sure he gives Renjun feedback in the end. They focus on attacks, parrys, but most importantly, technique.

“You tense your shoulder,” Jaemin points out. “This makes it easier for your opponent to predict your next move, telegraphing your attacks. Your shoulder moves before you do.” 

He brings his hand to his chin, as if in thought. “Though, you’ve gotten better since you started those Saturday practices with Coach.”

Renjun beams at the feedback. “So… You’re saying if I fix that, I could beat you?”

Jaemin scoffs. “If you fix that, I have a list of other problems we can work on.”

Jaemin tries not to make Renjun do anything too strenuous as this is clearly his first time in a gym setting. Going slow and working to increase their intensity will be better in the long run and is what he plans to do each time they meet up until the State Finals. When Jaemin’s timer goes off, they finish with balance exercises and cool down for twenty minutes.

“Wow. You’ve really got this all planned out,” Renjun comments when they’re leaving and heading back to the dorm to shower before the bell rings for breakfast. Jaemin nods. “I’ve been doing it with my personal trainer until, you know, I came back here. He still sends me workouts and diet tips from some cookbooks he and his husband have been using lately.”

Renjun hums in acknowledgement. “Sounds like a caring guy.” Jaemin nods. “Let’s get breakfast together. I can get you in on the diet plan too!” Jaemin suggests, excitedly, leaning on the wall as Renjun comes to a stop in front of his room. He seems hesitant as he punches in the code to his door. “Will I be able to get in another hour of sleep before then?”

“Uhm, probably not?” Jaemin answers honestly, though it comes out like a question. The silence in the hallway is deafening as he waits for Renjun to decide. “Fine. Just wait for me outside Castello.”

Jaemin fist pumps. Despite being totally against the idea just yesterday, the progress he’s already been making with Renjun is what ends up making this situation worthwhile.

> **_WEEK TWO - 21 DAYS BEFORE STATE FINALS._ **

Saturday afternoon practices are always tough. Joohyun decides to end the day with a bout between Renjun and Jeno. She sends a long glance Jaemin’s way and he knows it means that she hopes to see some kind of improvement. Between the things they’ve been doing at the gym and the early mornings Renjun has with Joohyun, there’s definitely a difference in the way Renjun fences now compared to the beginning of the season.

“En garde…”

_Stay calm_ , Jaemin thinks. He crosses his fingers.

“Prêts… Allez!”

The bout begins and Renjun spots an opening but his mind gets the best of him. He’s thinking back to Joohyun’s tips ( _The right technique is to extend before…_ ) but he’s too slow. Jeno gets a touch. 

Jaemin shakes his head on the sidelines. 

“ _Hmph_ ,” He breathes out. Back then, during tryouts, Renjun’s technique was sloppy and he was easy to beat. Now, with all the training and real tournaments, Jaemin is able to see the potential Joohyun did when she recruited him over the summer. 

During the tryout tournament, there was one moment in their match, where Renjun had seen an opening. Jaemin admits, his parry fourth was late and Renjun was too fast for him. He’d almost made it through but due to Jaemin’s skilled technique, Renjun hadn’t touched him. 

Jaemin focuses on watching the bout.

Renjun gets a touch. The score goes back and forth for a few moments, and suddenly Donghyuck and Joohyun go silent beside him. “Seems you were right to be watching so intently,” Donghyuck comments to Jaemin. The score is 3-6. Even from the sidelines, Jaemin can tell Renjun is overthinking. 

The conversation restarts after Jeno’s seventh touch. It’s now 3-7. 

Renjun breathes out heavily. He’s sweaty under his mask. He’s beaten people like Jeno before. He can see Jeno’s mistakes and anticipate his attacks. But if he could just fence _normally_ … Except for the fact that the way he fences _isn’t_ normal. Joohyun’s voice from months ago rings in the back of his head: “ _Your technique is the weakest of the boys here_.” He’s improved but sometimes reverts back to his old ways.

The score is 9-12. “Something’s got in his head,” Jaemin hears Joohyun say to Donghyuck. “He just needs to relax and fence the way he usually does.” Donghyuck says it like it’s a piece of cake. “Fencing the way you usually do becomes _harder_ the more desperate you get.” Joohyun points out. It makes Jaemin think a little.

“ _Allez!_ ”

The bout ends, 13-15. Jeno pats Renjun on the back. “Better luck next time,” He’s got a friendly smile but Renjun can’t return it. “Yeah.”

Joohyun gets them to gather around to wrap up practice. “There’s two weeks left until States. It’ll be hosted in Hartford by Georgetown High School. We beat them last year, and I fully expect for us to beat them again, given that their lineup hasn’t changed. They definitely will have improved since last season but I know we’re better than them.” Confidence flows off her in waves and it makes the team feel hopeful and even more determined for States.

“I’ll email you when the match-ups are released.” She dismisses them, demanding that even though tomorrow is an off day, they still get in some kind of physical activity that doesn’t include walking around.

There’s never practice on Sundays, a rule of the administration but it doesn’t stop Jaemin and Renjun from meeting at the gym at four in the morning. It’s only the second week but Renjun seems to have gotten accustomed to the new wake up time and looks a little less dead in the morning.

They go through their routine as if it’s second nature now, though more so for Renjun. Jaemin could do these morning workouts in his sleep if he wanted to. Oddly enough though, it isn’t uncommon for some time to go by where neither of them are talking but today, Renjun is silent. He nods through Jaemin’s feedback and doesn’t get breakfast with him after.

Jaemin tries to catch up to him but he’s either _‘busy’_ or holed in some impossible to find spot in the library. 

In the evening, a half hour before the bell rings for lights out, Jaemin bumps into Jeno on his way back to Castello.

“Oh, Jeno!” He waves the older over. “Have you seen Renjun?”

It seems Jeno has a lot on his plate, with his fencing bag slung over his left shoulder and his school bag over his right. He’s also got a few books tucked under his arm. “Oh, yeah, we were just in the library together but I have to go to a study group at Seungmin and Felix’s dorm before lights out. Renjun and I were sitting near the windows in the library though, if you’re going to stop by there.”

Jaemin nods, thanking Jeno for the information and wishing him luck on the study group before going on his way. He knows Joohyun only meant for Jaemin to help Renjun with his fencing, however he can’t help but feel like he has some kind of obligation to take care of Renjun in every aspect, not just their sport.

Jaemin swipes his ID after entering and heads straight to the back, not even grabbing any books to make it look like a coincidence that he’s in the library at the same time as Renjun. He spots him in those comfy chairs by the window everyone likes to nap in during study hall. 

The windows are big and allow a lot of moonlight to shine into the building. The organic light from the outside bounces off Renjun’s face at the right angles. Though he sports a calm demeanor, Jaemin knows there’s something eating him below the surface.

Jaemin slides into the spot next to Renjun, startling him. Renjun presses a hand to his chest, “God, Jaemin! What are you doing here?”

“Can’t see my favorite gym partner?” He smiles, turning to face Renjun. He only sighs. “You don’t have to lie. I know you’re only helping me out because Coach is forcing you to.”

Well. Jaemin didn’t see that coming. He opens his mouth to protest, then closes it promptly after realizing he’s not sure what to say that could make this any better. It’s not like Jaemin has been loathing doing it. At first, yes, he was a little reluctant but as the days passed, Renjun warmed up to him and the fact that he was coming out of his shell, that the Team was starting to feel _right_ made Jaemin change his mind about the arrangement.

“Renjun-”

“It’s fine, really. I’m just the reserve.”

Jaemin huffs. “Renjun-”

The older ignores him. “It’s not like I’m actually going to be on the piste unless you, Donghyuck or Jeno miss a tournament.”

“Renjun!” Jaemin interrupts, making sure to keep his voice low so the librarian doesn’t give him a red slip. “Look, reserve doesn’t mean _shit_. You’re still on the team, are you not?”

Hesitantly, Renjun nods. Jaemin continues. “You fought for that spot, just like we did. Yes, you’re the reserve. Yes, maybe Coach didn’t really give me an option on whether or not I have to train with you but I’m genuinely enjoying it. Seeing your progress makes me feel accomplished too, you know? And who’d have thought, maybe I actually like spending time with you.”

Renjun rolls his eyes at the comment. “So,” Jaemin shifts in the chair, changing the topic of conversation, “What’s got you so inside your mind?”

There’s a momentary silence, an occurrence that seems to happen more often than not as they approach States. Renjun chews on his bottom lip before expressing his concern.

“It’s just… Coach told me she might switch me and Jeno for one of the matches at States.” He confesses, looking up with concern and worry all over his face but the only thing Jaemin can take out from the revelation is excitement. “ _What?!_ Renjun, that’s great!”

It seems his happiness is only one-sided though.

“I’m the _reserve_ , Jaemin. I’m only supposed to fence if one of you guys aren’t able to make it to a tournament. I’m not supposed to be the one on the piste, I don’t deserve to be on the piste. Not in the same way that you, Donghyuck and Jeno do.”

Jaemin frowns. “That’s not true. You know that’s not true, Renjun. You’ve come so far and improved so much this season! Hell, you’re still improving. I know the situation can be scary and is overwhelming. But none of us know what the outcome of the State Finals will be so we have to give it our all. And your ‘all’ deserves to be seen by everyone that goes to watch those matches.”

Renjun is silent for a moment, letting the words of affirmation sink in. He sighs and stares at his hands. "Promise."

Jaemin tilts his head in confusion. "Promise what?"

"That you'll help me. Promise that you'll help me fix whatever mistakes you have on your dumb list that will make me beat Liu Yangyang at States." Renjun looks up, no signs of mirth or amusement on his face. Just determination that glints in his eyes. Jaemin likes it.

A hint of a smile quirks at the corner of Jaemin's lips. "Pinky promise."

> **_WEEK THREE - 12 DAYS BEFORE STATE FINALS._ **

Jaemin asks Renjun to stay back after practice that night. He’d been up all night thinking about the practice match Joohyun made him do with Jeno, about what Renjun had asked of him that same day in the library.

_“Promise you’ll help me fix whatever mistakes on your list.”_ Jaemin wants to help him.

He tosses Renjun his épée blade. “Let’s just mess around for a minute or two. No keeping scores, just us and our blades.” Jaemin suggests and Renjun, though reluctant, agrees.

Jaemin makes the first move, committing to his attack. Renjun begins to parry and successfully avoids Jaemin’s blade. He leans in to start his own counterattack but Jaemin is smarter and gets a touch on Renjun’s head. 

Renjun has an amazing tempo and good speed, he’s efficient and quick on his feet. His technique has definitely been getting better throughout the season. _He’s good, Jaemin. He just needs someone to bring out the potential in him,_ Joohyun from a week ago reminds him.

Jaemin steps back, regaining his stance. “Your left handedness gives you a huge advantage, since most of these fencers train against right-handed opponents.” Renjun nods. Joohyun has mentioned it before in passing. 

He attacks, Renjun goes into parry-third, too fast for Jaemin to stop him.

“And you're fast,” He removes his mask, bringing his blade down. “But you need to unlearn those bad habits you’ve got.” Jaemin walks to Renjun’s side of the piste, standing behind him. He orders Renjun into a normal fencing stance.

He brings his hand just underneath Renjun’s own. “Your wrist is bent. Your forearm is vulnerable.” Jaemin moves Renjun’s wrist into the correction position, informing him on why it needs to be this way. “Okay,” He breathes out, stepping back a bit. “Now, your stance is too ‘side on’. You’re exposing your back, giving your opponent the chance to hit it.”

Jaemin brings his hands to Renjun’s waist, causing him to tense up. “Loosen up,” He demands. Renjun shivers. “Sorry.” He mutters.

When Jaemin moves away, Renjun tries to ignore how cold he feels without Jaemin’s body against him. “Keeping all of those things in mind, attack me.”

Renjun does as he’s told but doesn’t get a touch. 

“You lean forward too much when you lunge.” Jaemin demonstrates the correct approach. “Leaning forward too much will make your head vulnerable. When lunging, your torso needs to remain upright to allow a swift return to stance.” He demonstrates his words, making it look easy. Renjun supposes it is.

“Once you get used to doing all these correctly, you’ll be unstoppable!”

Renjun scoffs, “Yeah okay.” Jaemin frowns. “I’m serious. The day you get to Donghyuck’s level of fencing, which really won’t take long now… People will be _scared_ once you stand on the piste.”

He’s still not entirely sold but Renjun just nods. Jaemin gives him a perfect smile. If Renjun’s heart skips a beat, no one has to know.

“Now, let’s practice.”

Renjun raises an eyebrow. “Practice?” His tone is incredulous. “We _just_ practiced for two hours. You want me to keep going?”

Jaemin leans into his blade, just enough that it doesn’t bend. Renjun hates how smug he looks. “Depends. You wanna win your matches at States?”

Renjun’s silence gives Jaemin the answer he’s looking for. “Right. Now, back to your position!”

> **_TWO NIGHTS BEFORE STATE FINALS._ **

“Where are you dragging me to? Don’t you know it’s past curfew?” Renjun whispers-shouts at Jaemin as he grabs his hand and pulls him down the hall of Castello.

Jaemin leads him outside with no explanation, past the fencing salle and around a wall. Jeno stands there, not quite impatient but obviously looking out for something. “Great! We’re all here.” He smiles when he notices their presence.

“Okay, what is going on?” Renjun demands. Jeno just puts a finger to his lips and Jaemin shrugs. “Jeno told me to meet him here after the bell rang for lights out. I’ve got no clue either but sneaking out past curfew was convincing enough.”

Renjun shakes his head and sighs. “If we get detention for this…” He grumbles.

“Alright,” Jeno turns to them, clasping his hands together to stop Jaemin and Renjun's bickering. “There’s only one way off school grounds without being seen. We’re going to climb this wall, then make a dash for the tree line. Got it?”

“Hell yeah!” Jaemin exclaims excitedly at the same time Renjun lets out a hesitant, “Maybe.”

They start to climb and it’s at this moment that Renjun realizes joining the fencing team was a huge mistake. Jaemin and Jeno make it look easy, but climbing the wall takes a lot of upper arm strength that Renjun doesn’t quite have yet. After climbing up, they climb back down, which proves to be easier than getting up.

“Okay,” Jeno huffs, once they’re all back on the grass. “The gate watchman’s rounds have a one minute blind spot when he turns his back. We’re gonna make the dash to the three in that time.”

Renjun feels incredibly nervous about getting caught, getting a detention, getting called to Joohyun’s office, about every bad possibility that would come with them not pulling off whatever this weird Mission Impossible shit was.

They dash across and Renjun doesn’t think he’s ever run faster in his eighteen years of living. Jeno guides them down another path and they stop in front of an abnormally tall bush. “Now we go through this door…”

_Door?_ Renjun thinks. He follows Jeno and on the other side is a small cozy looking cabin. There’s a banner that says **_CONGRATULATIONS_ ** over the fireplace and a bunch of reusable bags on a coffee table in front of a couch.

“Welcome to the clubhouse!” Donghyuck announces, gesticulating around the room. “Notre Dame Academy fencers have been coming here even before any of us started attending. It’s been passed down to me from last year’s captain, Jungwoo.”

Renjun takes in the sight. It’s kind of cool, to have their own little space that only they know about. “It’s tradition to come here once we make it to the State Finals and pig out on our last night of the season. But I decided to make it a little early.”

Jeno walks around Donghyuck, searching for something. “It used to be a place the fencing team went to hang out but administration in the past realized that fencers skipped class too much to stop by here so the rules were changed to prevent them from finding out about its location.”

From behind the couch, Jeno pulls out an _épée_ blade. “Once we make the pledge to the team, we’ll carve our initials into the wood.” Donghyuck points to the column behind him, filled with initials of past students.

Jeno passes the blade to Donghyuck who holds it out and gestures for them all to put their hand on the blade. “Now, repeat after me,” He starts, taking a small piece of paper from his sweatshirt pocket. 

_“I pledge to fence my best, to honor my opponents, and to stand with my teammates together as one.”_

They line up beside each other, each passing the knife Donghyuck supplied to carve their initials into the wood. Renjun almost doesn’t want to. He doesn’t feel worthy enough to and his hesitation shows. Jaemin hands him the knife. Renjun thinks about what Jaemin had said, back then in the library. _You fought hard, just like we did._ Still, it doesn’t feel right.

Renjun knows he’s not on the same level as the others, especially not Jaemin. He still doesn’t really know what Joohyun saw in him, and doesn't understand why she switched him with Jeno for the matches against Sheridan.

“What’s going on in your pretty little head?” Jaemin asks, in a hushed voice. Donghyuck and Jeno are rustling through the bags, organizing their things on the table.

Renjun frowns at the knife in his hand, at the initials _L.Z._ that are so bold despite it having been plenty of years since Liu Zhangwei had attended Notre Dame.

"Just nervous," Renjun mutters. He looks at the initials, runs his fingers across the carved letters. Two time Olympic gold medalist Liu Zhangwei. Renjun has never been on a winning team until now, has never gotten so many wins until now. It wouldn't have been possible if he hadn't gone to that Circuit last summer, wouldn't have been possible without Joohyun being there on a miracle and recruiting him for Notre Dame.

Renjun lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding and brings the knife up the wood, scratching _H.R._ into it. When he's finished, he steps back, admiring his handiwork. Jaemin pats Renjun's shoulder. "Still think you don't deserve this?"

He's about to answer but Jeno beckons them over. "Donghyuck raided the kitchens before heading out here."

Donghyuck holds up his items, "I got what we need to make grilled cheese over the fire." Jaemin peeks into another of the reusable bags Donghyuck brought. "Marshmallows?" He exclaims happily. "Please tell me we're going to make s'mores!"

Renjun sits in the only space left, next to Jaemin and takes in the sight. The season has been stressful, and with school mixed in, they never really had many chances to just sit and mess around, to just _be_. It's refreshing.

"Before we start," Donghyuck stands, suddenly. His voice changes from its usual tone of playfulness to the one he uses when he's being _captain_. Sometimes it's scary but with the way the mood of the room reads, it seems unlikely. "We talk about Liu Zhangwei founding this place. He was our school's greatest fencer. He took Notre Dame all the way to the Finals."

He looks at Jaemin. "It's no secret that Jaemin is our best fencer, with all your experience and training. You've got us all the way to finals but I think we can go further than that."

"As a team, I believe we can win state championships." He finishes, looking pretty satisfied in his mini speech.

"I think you're forgetting one last thing," Jeno comments, sitting back into the couch. Donghyuck raises an eyebrow in curiosity. "Hm?"

"We have the best captain." The remark clearly stumps Donghyuck, if the surprise on his face is any evidence to go by. A smile erupts on all their faces as Jaemin pushes a marshmallow on a stick and thrusts it into the air.

"To state championships!" He yells. Donghyuck, Renjun and Jeno follow suit.

" _TO STATE CHAMPIONSHIPS!_ "

> **_STATE FINALS. NIGHT ONE._ **

On their way to Hartford from Fairfield, Joohyun tells the team the hotel they’re staying in for the duration of State Finals isn’t far from the school and that their hotel rooms are fully funded by Notre Dame, which, according to Donghyuck, means that hotel is going to be at least four stars. And it seems he’s right.

A lot of other schools must have had the same idea because when they get to the lobby, there are groups of other fencers that Donghyuck and Jeno hug and talk with for a moment. Renjun feels a bit left out, not knowing anyone.

“Jaemin!” A voice calls out, before they’re able to leave the lobby. Everyone turns to see who it is.

Yangyang holds his arms out, clearly expecting a hug or something of the sort. “Jaemin! Congratulations on making it to States.” Renjun is in shock, though he’s not sure why. It’s not a surprise that Jaemin and Yangyang know each other, they fenced each other at Nationals but maybe he wasn’t expecting Yangyang to be… so friendly?

Jaemin gives him a short hug. “Congratulations to you too. No doubt you guys would be here.” He laughs. “Wish I could’ve seen you on the piste, though.”

Notre Dame’s matches earlier that day took place at the same time anyone from Sheridan had a match, and no one could stake out their bouts as Joohyun had planned. “Oh, trust me, you will! See you tomorrow!” Yangyang bids him a goodbye and waves to the rest of them. Renjun gives a smile that feels more like a grimace. Donghyuck grunts beside him and Jeno is silent.

Where Jaemin is calm and relaxed for the night, Renjun is anxious and paranoid. He paces the room and Jaemin sits on his bed, watching him walk in circles. “You’re going to make me dizzy,” Jaemin comments. Renjun freezes in his tracks. “Sorry, I’m just--”

“Nervous?” Jaemin finishes his sentences. Renjun gives him a wobbly smile. Jaemin pats the empty space next to him. It seems they have pep talks more often than Jaemin ever would with Jeno and Donghyuck. He wonders if those two have pep talks with each other as well. 

“It’s just strange to think that everything will be decided tomorrow,” Renjun mutters. “Tomorrow might be our last time on the piste until next year. And our spots on the team next year aren’t guaranteed.”

Jaemin nods and Renjun continues. “I keep thinking about the matches from today.” The round robin style of the tournament put Notre Dame in third place, St. Vincent Ferrer in second place and Sheridan in first, as usual, for the day’s final rankings. SVF was set against the fourth place holders and Sheridan against Notre Dame for tomorrow’s advancements.

“Winning _here_ for the first time... It was exhilarating. And even when I lost, I didn’t want to give up. Instead, it felt like… like--”

“You’d give anything to keep fencing.” Jaemin interrupts again. Renjun looks up at him with a subtle nod.

“You’ll win again.” Jaemin is sure of it. Renjun scoffs in disbelief. “We’re matched against Sheridan, if you didn’t already forget. You really think I can win?”

Jaemin nods. “I think you’re amazing, Renjun. I think you can do whatever you put your mind to.” And it’s true. Joohyun didn’t need to make Jaemin start training with him. Renjun is on top of things on his own accord and practices by himself, even on their days off. A lot of the time, Jaemin would see Renjun with his fencing bag sneaking off to the salle when he should have been resting or studying. Even before Jaemin started training with him in the mornings, Renjun was already working towards fixing those mistakes of his.

Renjun opens his mouth to say something before stopping himself and shaking his head. “We should probably get an early night and get ready for tomorrow.” Jaemin is tempted to ask what Renjun was going to say. Has a feeling that maybe he’s thinking the same. “Probably.”

After a moment, Renjun gets up, doing anything to busy himself. Jaemin knows, because he’s done it before himself. “Wanna eat snacks and watch a movie? I mean, if this is potentially our last night why not make the most of it?”

“So, you’re really not boring after all?” Renjun quips. He returns to his spot on Jaemin’s bed so he takes that as a yes and grabs his laptop. “I don’t always think about fencing, contrary to popular belief. There are other things on my mind a lot of the time.”

Renjun snorts, like it’s so hard to believe. “Yeah? Like what?” 

Jaemin types _netflix_ into the Google search bar. “You.” 

Renjun goes silent. Jaemin glances up to Renjun’s shocked face. “What?” 

Jaemin sits up, crossing his legs together. “I think about… you… sometimes. That definitely didn’t sound as smooth as I meant for it to.” He admits, sheepishly, returning his focus to his laptop.

He scrolls through the homepage of the streaming website while he waits anxiously for Renjun to say something, anything. When he clicks on Itaewon Class, there’s a dip in the bed. Jaemin looks up to Renjun sitting next to him again.

“Uhm… I’m flattered? I’m not good at _feelings_ but I-I think about you. Too,” He smiles though it looks more like a grimace. Jaemin laughs, scooting closer so they can both see the laptop screen. “I’m not good at feelings either.” 

Renjun laughs too. “That’s reassuring.”

They sit like that in silence for a while, with a bunch of snacks they hid in their suitcases and hunched towards the laptop.

Renjun moves, resting his head on Jaemin’s shoulder. He looks down at the older, lifting an eyebrow questioningly. Renjun huffs. “It’s cold.” He claims, pulling their shared blanket tighter around himself. Jaemin snorts and moves his arm around Renjun’s waist, “I’ll keep you warm, babe.” 

Renjun pushes him with his shoulder teasingly. “Not another word, Na.”

Jaemin smiles and turns his attention back to the Netflix show. He doesn’t say anything about how Renjun shouldn’t be cold since it’s the middle of spring or the fact that Jaemin would be a liar if he said he didn’t want Renjun this close to him.

> **_STATE FINALS, DAY TWO. NOTRE DAME VS SHERIDAN._ **

On the piste, Jaemin approaches Dejun to shake his hand before the match begins. “Na Jaemin.” The older smiles. Jaemin stares at him. “Notre Dame's secret weapon is to beat Sheridan using the uptight boy who lost to Yangyang at Nationals. I’ve seen you fence, so I can say this with certainty.” Dejun runs a hand through his hair, a smug smirk on his face. 

Oh, how Jaemin wishes to wipe that shiteating grin off his face. He’ll just have to do it through this match.

“You’re better than me, and I’m _still_ going to beat you.”

The second to last match of the day, determining which team moves on to the third day of Finals. Jaemin walks onto the piste, a calm demeanor. Fencing is as natural as breathing to him.

“Na Jaemin, the perfect fencer.” Dejun comments. Jaemin won’t let some cocky senior get under his skin. He’s better than that.

Dejun laughs, raising his mask over his head. “Everyone’s losing their minds over you. They all want to know why you went to little old Notre Dame instead of Sheridan.” Jaemin doesn’t get a chance to answer, wasn’t planning on it anyway.

“En garde…”

Jaemin lowers himself into a starting stance.

“Prêts…”

His mind is clear. Nothing else inside except the match.

“Allez!”

Jaemin knows that Dejun is good. He wouldn’t have gone to Nationals if he wasn’t. He’s fast, has a good technique. Jaemin begins his parry-fourth but he’s too slow. Dejun gets a touch and the onlookers go into a frenzy. 

_“Go Dejun!” “Dejun, we love you!” “He’s so cool!”_

Jaemin is sure they’re just Dejun’s little personal spirit squad. He probably paid them too. Ugh.

On the sidelines, Renjun scowls. The only thing he can do is stand there and hope for a miracle. “That’s the first point anyone’s scored on Jaemin throughout the whole Circuit! What’s this guy’s trick?”

Jeno purses his lips. “Have you ever seen Dejun fence before? There is no trick. Dejun is just good. He’s seen Jaemin fence before, probably studied matches of his.” Jeno knows Dejun just wants to see Jaemin lose as some sort of revenge for being ranked higher than him. Dejun may be an asshole but he’s damn good at fencing. 

Jeno bites his lip. “For a fencer at Jaemin’s level, it won’t take long for him to get the measure of his opponent.”

Jaemin gets a point. At two minutes and twenty-five seconds, the score is 4-1with Jaemin in the lead and the referee calls a break for one minute. 

“I’m three points behind going into the second third,” Dejun comments as the referee calls out a guard check. “But I know you’ve lost from this kind of lead before.”

Jaemin stills. 

_Nationals._

Dejun laughs. “That’s right, Na. I saw you get taken out by Yangyang at Nationals. I bet you’ve replayed that one point in your mind thousands of times.” His demeanor changes and a mocking pout forms on Dejun’s face. “Aw, what happened then, Jaemin? Did the perfect fencer choke?”

“ _Allez!_ ”

Dejun gets the point. Jaemin breathes out of his nose heavily. He’s letting his anger get the best of him. It’s hindering his performance. He overcommitted to the attack and let Dejun get a touch in because he can’t control his anger.

The score is 11-13, Dejun leading. Jaemin isn’t focused and only the best of the fencers can see it.

“There’s a crack in his foundation. I’ve seen it before and so has Dejun,” Joohyun says aloud. Jeno nods, thoughtfully. “It’s why Jaemin didn’t beat Yangyang.”

The score is now 14-14. The referee calls another one minute break and Jaemin sips from his water bottle angrily. Jaemin needs to calm down. But he can’t. How could he let someone that ranked four spots _below_ him at Nationals get under his skin?

“ _En garde…_ ”

Dejun attacks but Jaemin’s parry-one is too fast. He retreats, stepping back and counters Jaemin’s own attack with a parry-three.

There’s a crack in Jaemin’s foundation. A crack that Dejun knows after seeing the younger’s match against Yangyang. And that’s how he gets the fifteenth point, ultimately winning the bout. Jaemin freezes as Dejun’s epee blade touches his chest, right in the center. 

Jaemin can’t even register his defeat because the onlookers cheer out to Dejun, hand him cupcakes and goods, shower him in affection and then Joohyun calls him over. Jaemin ignores it and walks away. He storms to the team washroom. He doesn’t know how long he’s in there, just standing at the sink, throwing water on his face and letting himself brood.

Jaemin sighs out of anger. He deserved it, deserved to _win_. He’s worked his ass off this season, so much more than previous one, he thought he had it in the bag. He grips the sink so tight he thinks his knuckles might be white.

Joohyun’s words from the beginning of the season float in the back of his head, very much unwelcome but it rings loudly. _“Sometimes no matter how hard you work, no matter how strongly you feel, you still won’t get the one thing you want.”_

_This…_ Jaemin thinks.

_This is what it feels like to have your dreams go up in smoke._

> **_STATE FINALS, NIGHT TWO._ **

Renjun gives Jaemin some time alone when they get back to the hotel. Despite how Jaemin has been acting like his usual self, cracking jokes and being chaotic, Renjun knows his earlier match is eating him alive. He sits with Donghyuck, Jeno and Joohyun in her room.

“I don’t get it… How did he lose?” Renjun asks, mostly to himself but the room is so silent, everyone hears it. “Dejun is ranked sixth in the nation, Jaemin second! It doesn’t make sense, how could this happen?” Donghyuck huffs.

“Out of hundreds of fencers in competition, it’s not _that_ much of a difference in ranking but still,” Jeno points out but Joohyun shakes her head. “To the average person, coming in second at Nationals would be an extraordinary accomplishment but for an elite athlete like Jaemin? Winning is expected.”

Donghyuck, Jeno and Renjun share a look that is indiscernible to Renjun but he has a feeling they’re all feeling the same way about Joohyun’s words.

“It’s a distorted mindset, in which winning isn’t an accomplishment but losing is failure. To Jaemin, losing is unthinkable, _unfathomable_.”

Renjun knows that fencing is different to sports like tennis or volleyball, as Joohyun continues to break down the match to them. In those sports, if scores are tied before the final point, it’s called a deuce because a player must be two points ahead to win to compensate for the advantage of serving. But in fencing there is no deuce because there’s no advantage. Both fencers start off equally. Equal footing, equal opportunity. 

“What separates Jaemin and Dejun is just skill and psychology of the match. The difference between winning and losing is just one point.” 

The weight of her explanation, as the three digest them, is heavier than they expected. One point that Jaemin couldn’t get. It’s not spoken, but they all know.

Joohyun does a debriefing of the other matches as well, then lets them know they’ll be heading off soon, most likely right after the ranking ceremony tomorrow morning. When the Team Talk is done, the boys excuse themselves for the night.

“For Jaemin to not come to the TT? This loss must be eating at him,” Donghyuck frowns as they walk down the hall together. Jeno nods in agreement. “I’ve never seen him so distraught like this.”

Renjun bites his lip. “I can… you know, talk to him. Try to cheer him up.”

Donghyuck nods. “Yeah, that’d be good. Don’t think we’ll do much good for him right now,” He admits, referring to himself and Jeno. They stop at their door. “See you in the morning.”

Renjun says goodnight to them both before retreating to his shared room with Jaemin. The younger is sitting on the edge of his bed, on his phone. Renjun doesn’t know how long he’s been like that but he wouldn’t be surprised if it’d been for the whole duration of the time he was in Joohyun’s room.

“Hey,” His voice is just above a whisper. Jaemin’s head snaps up, like he hadn’t heard the door open and close. He gives Renjun a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Are we leaving now?”

Renjun shakes his head, “In the morning,” he says and takes a seat on the bed next to Jaemin. There’s a moment of silence as Renjun tries to think about what he wants to say.

No matter what Jaemin thinks about how he performed earlier, he did great, amazing even, to Renjun. “Your match was really good today.” Renjun starts. Jaemin breathes out of his nose, less of a scoff but more like a snort. He sounds, and looks, dejected.

Renjun catches a glimpse of what’s on his phone screen. A picture of Liu Zhangwei with a woman about his age. They both look a bit young so Renjun concludes that the picture was taken after Zhangwei attended Notre Dame but somewhere in between the time he went to the Olympics. “My mom knew him.” Jaemin locks his phone. “They met on the fencing circuit in their early twenties. She always told me about him, how dedicated and focused on fencing he was.”

“Zhangwei was driven. According to my mom, he wanted to fence even when it seemed impossible. So do I, you know? I do this because I love it, really, but sometimes I feel like I do it because I have this underlying, overwhelming need to _win_. To come home and dangle a bunch of gold medals in my mom’s face so that she'll finally be proud of me for once.”

There’s a moment of silence. Renjun doesn’t really know what to say.

“Winning is what matters in the end and I know. I _know_ I shouldn’t think like that. But for my mother? I have to. That’s why I went to France last year,” Jaemin sniffles. Renjun’s heart breaks, knowing he can’t help Jaemin the way he wants to. “I didn’t make the team at Notre Dame sophomore year so I transferred and took a break. My mom was pissed off and forced me to train the whole year regardless. And the rest is history.” He chuckles, shaking his head.

Is this why Jaemin fences? To prove himself to his mother? “Jaemin-” He stops himself.

Jaemin’s talent is isolating. _It sets him apart_ , Renjun thinks. _It probably has his whole life._ And that’s when Renjun finally gets it. Gets why he didn’t apply to Sheridan. If Jaemin went to Sheridan, he’d continue to be isolated, just a number on the scoreboard of elite athletes. Here, at Notre Dame, he’s allowed to be _Na Jaemin_ , not _Second Best Fencer in the Under 18s League_.

Renjun frowns. “Mental endurance plays a bigger role in fencing than winning. My coach back home told me once that when you fence, don’t think about the outcome of the match or winning. I know this is kind of useless now because our season is over,” Renjun bites his lip before continuing. “But winning is a distraction.”

  
Jaemin sniffles again and looks up. His eyes are glossy and his face is blotchy. “Oh, Jaemin,” Renjun sighs. He hates to see his friend like this, so dispirited about something that’s supposed to be making him happy. “You should think about fencing in the way _you_ enjoy it. Not the way someone else dictates the sport for you.”

Renjun scoots closer to Jaemin and wraps an arm around him, in hopes to console him further. For a moment, he thinks it works but then Jaemin’s shoulders shake as he cries and Renjun suddenly wants to cry with him.

Renjun puts his hand in Jaemin’s hair, smoothing out the flyaways. “You can’t let someone else call the shots for you, baby.” In between broken sobs and heavy breaths, Jaemin responds. “Everything I do is for her and I don’t know when it’s going to be enough. It’s just _so hard_.” He sniffles.

Renjun hugs Jaemin a little tighter. “Even when it’s hard. Even when it hurts, when we’re exhausted.”

Jaemin sighs and rubs at his eyes. “God… What am I going to tell my mom?” Renjun kisses the top of Jaemin’s head. “We’ll figure it out in the morning.”

> **_STATE FINALS, DAY THREE. RANKING CEREMONY._ **

A long night of sleep and good breakfast with his team definitely uplifts Jaemin’d mood from the way it was last night but it still doesn’t change the fact that he has to sit through an hour and forty-five minute ceremony just to get a trophy that reminds him of his embarrassing loss. 

He tries to push the reminder away and put himself in a better headspace. The drive to Georgetown High is spent with high spirits, Joohyun discussing some events they’ll still have to attend even though their season is over as well as promising an End of the Season celebration of sorts before the team, and the rest of the school, goes home for spring break.

Jaemin supposes there are more good things than sad things to look forward to even though he’s done fencing competitively for the rest of the school year. Joohyun will still hold practices and scrimmages but nothing big like circuits. 

“Hey, Jaemin, d’you ever think about going back to Europe?” Jeno asks, turning his head a bit (he called shotgun at breakfast). Honestly, he does but not as often as his mom thinks he should be considering it. He wasn’t necessarily begging his mother to fly him out to France with his personal trainer and his, at the time,  fiancé. 

It’s a possibility that maybe one day Jaemin could go back to France and compete in Under 18s again but for the time being, he’s content with staying where he is, in Connecticut.  “Sometimes, yeah. Soon,” He decides on his final answer. The conversation is dropped when they arrive at the school and get escorted to the fencing salle where the ceremony is taking place.

Schools that were ranked fourth and under get medals, one for each fencer including the reserve. Jaemin looks at the first, second and third trophies, knowing already which one they’re going to get. He frowns. Renjun nudges his side from the seat next to him. “Hey,” He whispers, slipping his hand in Jaemin’s. “It might not be the trophy you’re used to getting, but it’s still an amazing achievement, okay?” 

Jaemin nods, "Okay." God, what would he do without Renjun? How did Jaemin live before meeting him?

The announcer calls their school’s name, beckons them onto the stage to receive the trophy. Donghyuck leads and they take a picture, one of just the team and another with Joohyun. “I’m really proud of you guys,” She comments on their way back to their seats. It feels good, to be surrounded by uplifting and loving people, Jaemin has come to learn in his time here at NDA. 

St. Vincent Ferrer takes second place for the Boys Fencing category. Jaemin doesn’t know anyone from that team, and it seems Donghyuck and Jeno don’t either, despite them having waved to so many fencers in passing on so many teams that Jaemin couldn’t keep count, whether they were on the boys team or girls team. 

When Sheridan gets called for first place, Jaemin can’t help but feel jealous. They obviously deserved it, every one of them was better, had a higher skill level and clearly trained effectively throughout their season. Still, there’s a bit of envy in the back of Jaemin’s mind, a small piece of him that wishes he were up there celebrating first place.

But when he looks over at their third place trophy, to Donghyuck, Jeno, Renjun and Joohyun, those feelings of resentment wash away in waves that turn into happiness and satisfaction. Jaemin might be used to winning, might have convinced himself that the only things he needs in life are shiny medals and even shiner trophies but when he’s here, at Notre Dame with his best friends and an amazing coach, he knows that sometimes he has to lose before he can win.

**Author's Note:**

> uhm i don't think the pacing or the development of any of the relationships (romantic And platonic) on this is the best and i probably should've kept working on the first draft but i hope u liked it :)
> 
> [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/lcvemarket)


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